And we desperately need this in the world today. We need to learn how to be human in our workplace. We have so many structures in place which actually don’t support us as humans. We don’t have those conversations at the workplace where we can legitimately say, I feel scared about this, or I feel intimidated or I feel confused or I feel upset, or I feel nervous.
To work in that kind of environment, It’s like you leave half yourself at the door. You don’t have any emotions. You shut the emotional side down. So you’re actually holding back a lot of potential, a lot of enthusiasm, passion, enjoyment, fulfillment by having to agree to these unspoken expectations. And it can, over a period of time, it can literally suck the soul out of you. - Episode 14
Rebecca Davison is a spiritual coach and founder/ director of the Intuitive Life Academy.
Connect with Rebecca
Connect on social media: INSTAGRAM // FACEBOOK
Website: Intuitive Life Academy
Liz Wiltsie: Welcome to What's Leadership? I'm Liz Wiltsie. The more I learn about leadership, the more I'm convinced there's not a one-size-fits-all solution. So I am on my own learning journey and I invite you to join me. EbonyJanice reminds me that being open about my journey is important. Each episode features someone I admire with actionable insight to share. So please join me as I ask what's leadership?
Today I get to welcome Rebecca Davison. She is a spiritual coach and founder slash director of the Intuitive Life Academy. She's also a friend of mine. So Rebecca, tell me about your work with the Intuitive Life Academy.
Rebecca Davison: So the intuitive life Academy really was set up from my values being freedom, pleasure, and abundance.
Once upon a time I worked in corporate and banking and I did that for 13 years and I was very grateful for the experience, but what I discovered, it took me a very long time to identify that I did not have the same values as that corporate institution. And for the longest time, I felt like there was something wrong with me that I should have been more grateful cause I was paid well, I had a lovely house and a flash car and a great group of friends, but inside I was miserable, I was like, is this it? Is this as good as it gets?
And, but that point in time, if somebody had said to me, you're going to be an intuitive or a spiritual coach, I would've been like, what does that even mean? What does that person like that do? But again, that's when I started following my own intuition, which was really like, the universe was basically saying this isn't for you. This you're not in alignment, this is not a good match, and how the universe does that is by the way that it feels, also known as contraction or feeling awful.
So when you're in that circumstance where you're feeling flat and depressed, something's not good, that contracted feeling, the universe is trying to get your attention to say, this is not for you, there's something else here for you. And what we need to do is start cultivating the courage to start exploring that and going, okay, what is for me? Because we can get stuck on the problem rather than training ourselves to find the solution.
So the Intuitive Life Academy was really born out of wanting to help other people to learn the skills, to be able to do that: to cultivate the courage, to look within themselves and go, if I was allowing myself to have a purpose driven life, what does that look like? And how do I create that for myself? And that's where we experience a lot of freedom, and with freedom comes the choices to how we spend our time, how we spend our money, hence the abundance. But also pleasure. If it's not fun, if you're not enjoying yourself, what's the point.
Oh, really. And the world full of so many choices that we have, we really do have to honor ourselves enough to go, I am powerful and I get to make choices that really serve me, but I need to know myself to be able to make those choices, to be able to be in service to. And again, service a lot of people might go, uh, being in service to others, but that's actually a very high spiritual concept, which is when you are in service to other people, you are giving to yourself.
Could go into universal law here, which is we're all connected. So when we give to others, we are literally giving to ourselves, that's going to bring us the deepest level of fulfillment to do that. But yeah, to find the thing that is yours, which is so important in this day and age, because a lot of people go into fear, they go into doubt and they get sucked into, I have to do this because of the money. And that will grate, it's like running your fingers over the cheese grater, is going to really end up hurting. So we need to learn that skill set to go. Okay, what do I need to do or learn about myself to be able to cultivate what I really love to do?
Liz Wiltsie: Yeah. And what you said at the beginning in terms of, I should feel grateful? I get that, I hear that all the time from people at work and work regular, just work contexts, that particularly in the middle of pandemic, that I should be grateful that I have a job. And so then the number of people I know that go to work with that feeling of Ugh.
Rebecca Davison: Totally fine and as a frightening place to be, because when I was going through that experience, I was like, I have no idea what the solution is here. I could not see the wood for the trees. And that was frightening. Now, looking back, I had a million quotes around my desk, right? Which were all about inspiration and overcoming obstacles.
So there was a clue there, but at the time, you just, you're in it. And you're wondering, how do I get out of this? So that's a good place to start. I start asking questions, but often it's like, how do I get out of this rather than what is it that I love to do, and how can I open that up to experience more of that.
And that often, I don't know if you can tell, but for a lot of people that brings up a lot of fear, because when I was looking to leave the Bank, I was terrible. People say to me things like, basically, you're going to die out there, you're not going to survive, you're not going to be successful. I had people telling me all these stories about people who'd left an institution and then they'd gone to do something and it had collapsed or fallen over or no, it didn't work. So she had to go and find a job.
But I actually took that as motivation, I would say, thank you so much for giving me the contrast so I can go deep into my own resolve and to be the solution. I'm like, I'm going to make it work, I'm going to be the person who's not that person. But again, this is the contrast that we're up against and it can be daunting when you're in it. That's why we need to cultivate the courage. And the courage comes from the french word cure, which is heart.
So courage comes from your heart. And that's why we need to take our attention out of our head space and into our heart. And this is literally how we experience more fulfillment and to learn how to listen to the callings of your heart. That does take courage because in a world full of intellectuals who are saying, you need to do it this way to be the rebel who actually leads from the heart is an act of courage.
But, this is also so important in terms of leadership. Because you think about it, if you have a leader who is leading from their head versus a leader who's leading from their heart. Everybody is going to, and this is what my Maya Angelou said right that people won't remember what you said or what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.
And we desperately need this in the world today. We need to learn how to be human in our workplace. We have so many structures in place which actually don't support us as humans. We don't have those conversations at the workplace where we can legitimately say, I feel scared about this, or I feel intimidated or I feel confused or I feel upset, or I feel um nervous.
We actually need leadership to start with those conversations so we can all be more transparent. Because what amazes me, what amazed me about banking, was how you would go to work and there would be an expectation not to have any feelings. And I used, I said to my Mom once, It's like, I feel like I have to go to work and wear armor. And I'm sure a lot of women can relate to this because it's like, the emotions are associated obviously with being feminine, with being a woman. So therefore, to work in that kind of environment, which is more predominantly masculine, it's like you leave half yourself at the door. You don't have any emotions. You go into more masculine energy, you shut the emotional side down. So therefore you're actually holding back a lot of, a lot of potential, a lot of enthusiasm, passion enjoyment fulfillment by having to agree to these unspoken expectations. And it can, over a period of time, it can literally suck the soul out of you.
People will need to learn how to create environments where it's safe to really be honest. But of course, that means that we need to look at ourselves and that where people can often feel intimidated because what if they don't like what they see or what if they have some uncomfortable emotions present. And this is a lot of the work that I do, which is unpacking that, looking at parental imprints, looking at the limited beliefs that we've picked up.
But when we do this, we get free and we get clear. And when we get clear, that's when we can truly step into leadership because we can stand up and say, I actually know who I am, and because I know who I am, I can facilitate you into knowing who you are. By being present to your emotions because I've been present to my own, by being present to the darkness within you, because I've been present to my own.
And of course, and that there's more intimacy, there's more vulnerability, and people are crying out for that in the workplace. To be seen to the witness, to have somebody who's, I care about you, you're doing a great job, but this isn't going so well, what's going on. And looking at it holistically, not just as some work performance, but human basic needs of what's going on emotionally.
All right. What's happening at home? How you're feeling about these different aspects? We need to start looking at people holistically rather than going, as soon as you walk in the door, there's a number slapped on your head, and then you have to go sit at your desk and perform a certain role. You're going to get limited results by doing that.
Liz Wiltsie: And what's your, a place that people can start getting at some of that, from your standpoint?
Rebecca Davison: Yeah. So asking questions can be such a game changer. Even when it comes to a negative thought process that you might be having. To even interrupt yourself and say, is there a different thought that I can think than this.
Again, the standard, is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? That may be beneficial to some people. When it comes to energy though, what we look at a lot is we use the emotions as a guidance system. So if you're at work and you've had a circumstance where, you know, maybe somebody said something and you're feeling triggered, which is usually when you have an emotional response in your body.
You start asking questions, right? First question is whereabouts do you feel it and on or around your body. Identify where it is, you know. Like I have said, in your head, is it in your ankles, is it your heart space. Once you've identified that, then you can ask. And again, you might not necessarily be able to do this in conversation.
You might need to remove yourself and take some more time to reflect, but make sure you do that. Make sure that you are proactive enough to go, I need to go and actually practice some self-care by asking myself some questions and taking some time to have some insight on the situation. Next question is, what age did I pick this emotion up?
What age did I pick, like, just asking. Not having to think about it. It's just an intuitive response. What's this connected to what age? And then we ask, I hopefully you've already identified the emotion. What is the emotion, if you have one already, and who is it connected to?
Because when we're having an emotional response like that, like what I call being triggered, it is looking to show you something. There's something within you that's looking to be healed. So what happens, of course, is our ego gets in the way and our ego goes, it's the other person's fault. Right? Instead of actually going to the soul level with the souls going, hey, there's some wounding here that's looking to be resolved.
Take some time to look at that because eventually if you do that and you heal it, you shift it, you raise it, you heal it, you actually end up thanking the other person for bringing it to your attention. Which is a very different paradigm from being in that space, Oh my God, I can't believe they see that. That resistance, that duality that we go into by pushing or shoving or going external as opposed to going actually, what is this showing me about me?
I'm having a physical body response to this. I can feel the emotions. So there's something within me that's looking to get my attention. And by asking some questions, you can even start shifting the energy by being willing to inquire about it.
Liz Wiltsie: And sometimes, I always hold this in that, if you're able to do that and get some clarity around it. You will also see if it is something that needs to be addressed. If it is something that needs to be addressed in regards to the other person, you have much more data to deal with that. You've separated, which pieces are yours. And then you're like, wait, this person actually is, in some cases, like abusing me in real ways. Because that happens in the workplace.
Rebecca Davison: And again, because this is what it will show you. Let me give you an example. Like I was speaking to a client the other day, and she'd had the circumstance happen where she'd ended up feeling very shamed in quite a dramatic way and public, but even asking her those questions, she identified that it was two years old and the feeling of course was fear or panic. But it was connected to her mom. Like it was literally her mom's energy. So she's realizing that she's carrying this energy for her mom and then the circumstances being created literally to show her that so she can let that go.
And again, it was really interesting cause as we went down into the emotions, underneath the fear was anger. So the fear was the plug, because if she let go of the fear, then all this anger was going to come up. I actually recommended that she go and do something physical to express the anger, or to, I don't know, go and buy some plates or something and smash them. But something physical to actually instruct your body that it's safe and good to let go. Of course, in a safe environment, to let the energy go as looking to be moved through.
And it's literally these energies, if we don't pay attention to it, we can be running our life through our subconscious and not being consciously creating what we want, just running on default, and then thinking that life is beating us up when it's not. It's actually trying to show you something about yourself and if you take the time to make the inquiry and listen, you're going to get so much information, which is going to make it easier to show up at the workplace the next day and go, oh wow, this person's, actually in my life, to help me grow, to help me evolve, dare I say even spiritually.
When you have that perspective and you're going through life to see everybody in your world is there to help you evolve and you start asking questions, you literally change the paradigm in regards to how you see life. And it becomes way more magical because you're like, oh my goodness, this is all being orchestrated for me to grow. The universe can know, or your intuition can only bring you so many messages or insights or awareness.
If you're not curious, if you're not asking questions, if you're not exploring that, you're going to get limited results. If you start exploring it, you tap into your infinite power, boom. Anything is possible and you can literally start living in bliss and joy frequencies. A lot of people hear that and they think, oh, that's not even possible, but it's because they're living in a frequency that doesn't even support that.
Liz Wiltsie: I always, I sit here and I think I regularly just think about how that dovetails with systems of oppression. And being like, that doesn't negate like bigger things, but how do we exist as regular normal humans?
Rebecca Davison: Oh, that's interesting, you said that, because usually in my work it's two parts.
The first part is let's heal the trauma. Let's heal all the times and places in the past you've actually, you've been really hurt. There is disappointment, there's fear, there's rejection there's abandonment, there's suppression, depression, oppression, whatever it is because everybody has something. Right.
And we have to be very aware of that when we're interacting with people. If you are intuitive and psychic, you can see the wounding very clearly and very easily. So you can have more compassion. So you can show up in a way that is kinder and more gentle. You can lead with your heart and go, how can I give to you, how can I be of service, once you've dealt with your own stuff. But first and foremost, we always need to address the wounding so we can get somebody living in their heart space. And from there, massive creation is available. Massive change evolution, transformation, bliss love frequency, is available because that person is not, they're directing their energy in a different way.
Instead of holding this kind of woundedness, which takes energy and effort and bandwidth, once they don't have to do that anymore because it's healed, they can step into massive creation and go into those energies of being unstoppable and really leaning in and going, what is it that I do wish to create and doing it from a clean slate.
You think about it. If somebody is trying to solve a problem from woundedness, it's not going to be that effective. Because their emotional field is going to get in the way. We need to be so aware of this when it comes to solving problems in the world. That why one of the best things we can do to change the planet is change ourselves.
I know it sounds like a cliche, right? But it's true. If you are healed within yourself and then you literally go out and you're emitting a different frequency, that's going to have a positive impact on the people around you. Literally seen this happen where people have come to me, they've healed themselves.
And then they call me up and they go, oh my God, you'll never guess what's happened with my mom or my dad or my brother or my son. And I'm like, yeah. And they think in some ways that, do you know what it mean? Like it's magic and it's not. It's energetic frequency. You shift everything around you, shifts as well.
It has to. So yeah. Being willing to take ownership for your feelings and being willing to take those feelings into the workplace and that these days is definitely an act of courage. How do you be the person who stands up a business meeting and is really vulnerable? And says, I'm scared that my values are not in alignment with what we're doing here. How do you have those kinds of conversations?
So we are fundamentally getting to the root cause of what's really going on. And this happens in workplaces all the time. Have you ever been to a meeting where you can feel the subtext, but nobody's speaking to it. How many times have we had that happen? Like you can feel the dissonance in someone or somebody's angry, or somebody showing up late or being passive aggressive.
And we're not speaking to those things because we don't feel. We have to create a container where we're focusing on this particular thing. But if we just had a little bit of courage and granted, it may take a little bit of time, but once everybody's on board, that's going to create such a different dynamic creative environment and loving environment where people can create something brand new.
Now, the companies who have the courage to do that, they do get amazing results because they are focusing on the culture and making it safe to be a human.
Liz Wiltsie: So what are you, the question I ask everybody, what are you grappling with?
Rebecca Davison: Am I grappling with? Or I don't know if it's a grapple, but it's been a very enlightening process, I think. I've shared with you personally that my dad passed away about three months ago and not due to COVID, just he had complications with his health and it just deteriorated. But, that process has been quite enlightening. I guess what I'm grappling with though, probably learning how to deal with particular people.
I have had some limitations, I think, in my awareness in regards to how people, we just talked about this previously, like narcissistic behaviors. And how to help people who are narcissists because everybody needs help. Narcissism comes from trauma and I think it's easy again to get caught up in the problem of that person's and narcissist so full stop, but that's not actually the solution.
It's like, how do we need to evolve as a species to be able to find the solution to that kind of thing? Because narcissism is deeply rooted trauma. Obviously has hideous side effects in regards to how narcissists treat people. But just looking at that and going, okay, what is the next evolution of how do we help people who have developed those behaviors. Yeah.
So I've been grappling with that a little bit in terms of going, what is the solution for that? How do we help somebody who is constantly trying to gain significance over others? How do we help somebody who literally can't hear you because their brain is wired in a different way? So they can't hear the feelings.
They can't understand. They don't make it safe to be vulnerable. Because if you have a narcissist in the workplace, that's going to make it really difficult to create an environment where everybody feels safe. Because they'll ride rough shot or the people's feelings, though, they won't make it safe to share.
And again, and we're crying out for this. We really need to start going, okay, what is the solution to that? Cause, it's just like the bully and the victim. Everybody often sides with the victim, but the bully needs help too. So we need to evolve our consciousness to go, okay, what is the solution to that? How do we help that? And the ironic thing about narcissists, of course, to raise, they often don't want help. Cause they see there is beneath them. Now I'm grappling with that a little bit. If anybody's got information about how to deal with narcissists effectively, I'd be very open to that because again, it's about creating safety with human emotions and narcissists can't even do that for themselves, let alone offer that to other people.
So what's the solution to that, definitely.
Liz Wiltsie: Rebecca, we could talk forever.
Rebecca Davison: I know right. What's important things to think about too. Like even if you're going to work tomorrow, it's like, how do I bring a little bit more of my humanness to this environment? And even starting with love, how can I love my workmates more?
They're doing the best they can with what they've got. If you've got somebody in the workplace who's triggering you, they're actually offering you a gift. So do the work to unpack it and look and see what is it that they're showing me on a soul level about myself. Cause that's actually looking to be healed.
So just having those different perspectives can just open up more energy, more connection, and more intimacy. And we need that from our work. If we're going to be spending 40, 60, 80 hours a week doing that, we want to be doing it in a place of harmony or that contributes to our purpose, rather than feeling like it's pulling or we're in the wrong place.
Liz Wiltsie: That's a beautiful place to end. Thank you so much.
Full show notes from this episode, and every episode are available at 4needs.work/podcast. If you're intrigued by this episode, please subscribe.